I meet u* some of my nights

After some period of time being activity in writing, a young girl came up with a question “how are you able to write (blog) them out in such openness manner?”
so glad there are responses from the outsider who become the readers…but to tell you the truth months before I settle down and display my fingers on the keyboard, I actually gone through a struggle before I could sung out the entire motion in front of others and in display my personal life, views and emotions feeling to others in letting the stories to be told to the world as an imperfect sinner.

At times inside over flow with words yet suppress them hard into deep secret corner which left alone stands before Him. Because I didn’t have the confident at all or the wisdom to do so, I didn’t see it as my gift nor mature enough to lead on in Biblical standard. I’ m still wavy and young who just started follows His footsteps in infant state. I’m not the person who braves enough to stand on the open stage full of audience; I only see the lackness and the many fears which would mislead people. At the same time struggle on a pattern of life which I was unavailable in neither serving nor jointing the fellowship like other normal does, I wasn’t in the community…church…or in a well Christian family. There was a time I was so devastated, I asked where the kingdom of God is? Why I neither fail in seeing nor identify it? Much I had asked and seek…thanks to Lord, He never fails me, with each prevail and changing course He lead me through…I learn that the kingdom of God is actually now and here, when we subjected to His will.

He give me the confident to spring out those words, when I read those beloved friends blog upon how lost and tired they are in this world. Felt so sorrowful and helpless toward their struggle and pledge when analyze their root course “they didn’t even aware, themselves were actually calling for the SOS “but mostly they search in different directions, numb themselves with drinks which can’t satisfied their thirst. From here I acknowledge His mightiness. it’s not me that who can be around the clock all times for my friends…it’s not me that who understand them the most and help to talk them out or solve their problem much a friend can do but has it limitation…it’s Christ our savior to fill it up and to fix them. In lackness I begin to see the infinite of common shares, in lackness I learn there is space of freedom to expend and greater chances for improvement.

Whenever open up a new Blank Document, when there were no rules stated to govern me. Deep inside I know He is the one, my standard bar who exist as an invisible border to guide and rules my course lead on not just for my understanding. Much as the words been type they also held me in term of integrity and remind me to walk the talk, actually live by what has been proclaim, and now after almost a year hopes this will be my continuous serving and be blessed by His will and approval.
Much need to be sharpen up
Just like the new Blank Document I try to stand as bare as possible on truthfulness which means included all, because as much as I know no matter how we clothed ourselves we still stand bare in front of Him, in this nakedness we must not be in shame or guilt as well as fear which always try to held us back.

Some of my nights
I no longer hold up the will
Nor fought like a knight.
Excused myself
Telling Him…I’m so little and too young to fight
Yes…yes I had heard and seen their cried
There were so many casualties at the boarder
Down at the side.
Telling Him…I’m so afraid to fail.
Yes…Yes He always reply
Telling me
I can shine with His light
Let us march out with a victory cried.